Goals

Trying to get back to painting more often and posting more too.  Seems like the most important thing (painting) gets put on the back burner more than anything else. Feels good to get up earlier to paint, and get back to better habits than watching tv or oversleeping!

Have to stay with it this time, and not give up.  Hard to be inspired these days.  Most of the time I am teaching art classes or creating frames, so I am really tired, and certainly not motivated.  So I have to make my painting time come first.  Then the rest of the day can fall into place.

Having said all that, now I must make it a personal challenge, and find ways to stay inspired. Paintings that have a deeper meaning, or that have things hiding in them seem to hold my interest the most.  But if they do not come together right off the bat, then I tend to put them aside and resolve them later.

 I need to plan ahead better, and stick with it.  Also, I need to not start the new ones until I finish current paintings.  When I enter some art shows I tend to get excited and finish up a few more too.

My problem is that I don't see  results very often.  A sale now and then, A commission.  A ribbon or an award here and there; it is all encouraging, but hard to make enough to make a living.  So I teach more classes, or take in more framing jobs. Then I don't have the time to paint.....not a good cycle.

I am open to hearing ideas on how you get inspired or what helps you stay on track.

Christ- Mass

It was called a mass for Christ.  Yet we focus on all the rush and business of this time of year.  Me included.  Just breath.  Slow down.  It isn't going to all be perfect, it isn't going to make every one happy, and I am not able to make it all as I think it should be!  So take a step back, laugh at all the stress and expectations and set them aside.

If I don't send the cards out on time, oh well.  If I don't get a certain gift for a certain child, oh well.  We have the whole year to give and bless and love each other!!!!  Why do we wait for one day out the year?

There, now I feel better.  Enjoy the beauty of the season, pray a lot, and ask God to show us how we can do something to help those in need, all year.

Merry Christmas!

way too long

Haven't posted anything is so long!  Loving my little gallery: Fawn's Studio and Fine Framing.  It has taken over my life -- in a good way. 

I teach after school art classes, and an adult class, and my work is on display. Also doing custom framing now!  All that and keeping up with original paintings and commissions.

I am trying to get some new paintings posted and do better at updating my websites, but so far it has escaped me as to exactly how to do all that and get some sleep.

I actually took the time to do a paint-out this past week, and I got to go to the beach with my grandchildren too.  So it isn't all work all the time!

Life is very rewarding these days, joy overflows, and I am so very grateful to be here.

back on track

Things distract me so easily. I get caught up in trying to do so many different things: Framing, teaching classes, and keeping up with grandchildren. I love it all, especially my gallery, but sometimes I need to get caught up in the flow of the paint. This month I have made time to paint most days, and I am really loving it.  Just finished a very large one, "Heavenly Highlights" and have two other fairly large paintings in progress.  I think I will try some miniatures too.

I am accepting commissions now as well, so if you want a custom painting don't hesitate to email me! fmcneillbarr@gmail.com

I am excited to be back on the right track. Life is too short, and I simply must create something to deal with all the chaos and stress!  

Have a blessed day....

Summer

Enjoying the nice cool snap we have had the last few days.  It has been hot and muggy already in the early part of May.  Really dreading the intense and miserable heat we endure in June and July, and even August sometimes.  But the winters are nice, and the this week it is cool and breezy and sunny.  Lovely.

Summer is great for my little art gallery.  I get to spend my days with children of all ages, working on various art projects.  This summer we will do some paintings in the style of Cezanne, and we will make some Chinese paintings too.  The weeks of hand-building in clay are usually the most popular.  And I try to include a week of color theory of some sort. The students don't know they are learning elements and art appreciation, they just have fun while I challenge their thinking!

You can check it out at www.FawnsStudio.weebly.com

too busy

Not sure how it all gets so hectic so quickly.  Seems like I have to say 'no' to more things just to fit everything in.  Something always gets dropped when I take on too much!

There are the art shows, and getting works done and framed. So much time and money in that!  Very little return on it too, plus damage to the paintings or frames.  But the exposure is good, and the attention is great. I have discovered that I really like all the attention.  Odd, I am usually the quiet one and try to keep things low key. Or at least I used to be!  Now I speak my mind and get myself into situations I should have stayed out of.  But I am getting used to this side of me, and I don't think I want to go back to being so un-opinionated.  That sure makes my husband laugh at me often.

Then there is the art classes, which I love, especially the very young children I teach.  Lesson plans, set up, clean up, and the actual time I get to work with the students.  They tug at my heart.  I am the greatest artist in their eyes!  Too cute.

I am also learning the trade of custom framing, high end too: very professional and very expensive. But the frames are amazing, and what a huge difference to finish out the art in high quality frames! 

Of course my life is full of family and friends too, and they come first when I am not at work.  At least I try to not get too involved in my work at home. So this is why I post less on-line and don't get the marketing done that I really should put more into! 

But I am happy -- truly happy.  Which is a big surprise because I have struggled with depression and motivation off and on for many years. But since my appendix ruptured just more than a year ago, and I went around for a few weeks dying, I really had to fight for my life.  Now I have a whole new outlook on everything!

Not sure why I needed to post that, but I wanted to share it.  Things do get better, it does take work, and it is worth it really! You have to be positive on purpose and look for things to be thankful for!

Undoing the traditions of stress

I am not sure how it happens, things just get out of hand.  Used to keep it all simple, like baking cookies for my friends.  Now I rush about trying to find the right gifts, trying to get something in the mail, wanting so much to use this opportunity to reach out and touch others as so many have done for me.  Yet I find myself in tears, frustrated, out of time, and out of money. I am not sure how I lost sight of the true meaning of this beautiful season.

Today I slow down, take a breath, and remind myself that if things are late then they are late!  If it doesn't happen now, it can happen latter!  I don't have to wait all year for one day to tell people I love them or to do something special.  It can happen whenever it happens.  America has made the Holidays into traditions of stress, and deadlines, and even worse, debt.

I heard this and it really helped me: make a plan, talk it out with your spouse, stick to your budget, and do something for the Lord first.  The rest will work out fine with or with out you!

So I am making some hand crafted ornaments, baking some cookies, and enjoying the kids.

Merry Christmas and have a very blessed New Year all year long!

50 years

So I am 50 years old!  I was dreading it, feeling so very old after my surgery.  Thought I would never feel good again.  It has been a month now that I am feeling better.  This is September, and my surgery was last December.....

Anyway, I have a very sad birthday, 9-11.  Every year I try to celebrate it after my birthday, but still it is just too sad.  So this year things worked out to see my boys and my grand-kids before my birthday.  My husband took advantage and on an impulse got a cake and some candles with the big numbers.  It was amazing!

We had grilled steaks, cake and ice cream, and we had card games too.  I have had a  great weekend and not thought about 9-11 at all.

So I am planning to celebrate my birthday on the 1st of September from now on.  I am also thinking that this is going to be a fantastic year!  I am getting strong again, and I am so thin from loosing all that weight from my appendix rupturing.  I am starting to have enough energy to get through the day too.  My gallery has out grown itself in it's first year, and I am already preparing to move to a bigger place!!!!!  God is so good.  I am so blessed to be alive, and I am looking forward to the years ahead.

Reality

So my gallery opened last November. November first. Fawn's Sudio we named it.  Wonderful, awesome, exciting, and surreal....

Three teaching tables, room for 12 students comfortably, and more if needed.  So cool to come to work and see my art on the walls in the showroom, even more cool was the fact that I had enough paintings to fill the walls!  Then to sell originals right off the wall!  Amazing.
It only lasted a little more than a month.

Then my appendix ruptured sometime in the middle of November.  That is when the pain started anyway. The surgery was in December just before Christmas.  My female organs absorbed the poisons, and for three weeks I walked around dying.  I was mis-diagnosed with a tumor on my ovary. 

So my dreams and hopes were shut down for a month.  Then I tried to get the gallery going again, so thankful to be alive. But my female organs were all sacrificed.  So everything changed.  Everything.
Got sick and couldn't cough without severe pain.  So I closed the gallery again.
Reopened again, and took a mat to lay down on during the day before classes started in the afternoons.  That helped.

Looking back it makes sense why I am 8 months into recovery, and still struggling.  

Abrupt and instant menopause is harder than the pain and scar tissue, which still hinders me.  Fatigue, frustration, and despair are all daily companions now.  

I still try to work all day (teaching art classes, doing framing, working on custom paintings, etc...) and then I come home to do laundry, cooking and cleaning and whatever else is expected of me.  

It just dawned on me: of course it will take longer to heal if I don't slow down!  Duh!  I can't get up at 5:30 in the morning to work on paintings, do a load of wash, and go to work all day and then come home to more chores, and expect to have the energy I used to.

Top it all off with a husband that wants to argue and fight about most things these days...  Honestly, no wonder my hormones are so out of whack!  Anyone, even someone with balanced hormones, would be up and down with someone constantly putting them down and calling them nuts......  He pushes me to my limits.  (Then he wonders why I am not the slightest bit interested in romance.  Duh again!) I don't think I am fully to blame here. He knows how to turn things around, or how to keep me up-tight.

So I am sleeping in until 6:30 am, and I am going to bed earlier, and I am not trying to get all the chores done!  And if he doesn't like it he can start pitching in.  Just saying....

We are starting to laugh about it now, thank goodness!  I thought we might have to go our separate ways if this kept up.  And even more remarkable: Robert is doing some grocery shopping to help me out, and cooking some meals too.   Love it when he puts steak on the grill for me!!!! 

Reality is tough, but I am still thankful to be here.

gifts

Just read a great book called One Thousand Gifts,  by Voskamp.  Hard to get through it.  So challenging on every level.

My paintings have always been a way of thanking the Good Lord for the wonders of nature.  But now I am thanking him for the not so beautiful and wonderful things in life too.  

I have this deep ugly scar on my stomach, from my belly button down.  It has been 6 months since the surgery, and still it is tender and itchy.  When my appendix ruptured, and I didn't know it for a couple of weeks, it messed up my female organs.   It encapsulated on my ovary, and everything became a gooey sticky mess. (Which actually saved my life by containing the poisons.) They took it all out, a complete hysterectomy and an appendectomy.

Instant menopause has been quite difficult.  More difficult than I could have imagined.  

This book of gifts has helped me see it all in a new way.  I was honestly thankful for another chance at life, but this is different.  Now I see my scar as beautiful.  I no longer cringe at the sight of it.  And now I laugh (instead of crying) at my new weird personality changes. I am a full spectrum, like a teenager with raging hormones, and not usually the good ones. My poor husband doesn't know which side of me will burst out next!  But he is patient, and I have found that his love is enduring.  

On a deeper level, my deep scars of child abuse and foster homes are also a beautiful thing.  The healing is going to another level.  Not just being ok with it all, but being able to thank the Almighty for all of it.

Just needed to put that out there.  

I want to start a new challenge: to paint a thousand gifts.  Not sure what form it will take yet.  Don't feel that I can do one every day again, but I do want to set something in motion. I want it to be paintings of things in a new point of view:  unexpected or maybe several gifts all in one painting, even if they don't really go together. Some will be of things that aren't so beautiful, yet they will have significance.   I think it will be like a poem with images.  

Don't have time, really.  Summer art programs to create, and a gallery to run.  But I believe this is something I will lose sleep over if I don't do it! So it will be a new series, and a wonderful challenge, and I am excited to see where it takes me.