Robert

Life is so up and down these days. I have to keep living. Everything says that nothing matters anymore. Some days my husband, Robert, gives up the fight and just wants to go on to heaven.

He has been diagnosed with a small tumor in his inner ear, pressing on the brain. It is not cancerous, Thank God, but his balance is off these days, hard for him to walk straight now. Next month we see a surgeon to find out if they will be able to remove it.

The headaches are worse, and he sleeps a lot now, at least in the day. The nights are long, sleep comes in small doses. It is as if time has stopped for us. Schedules do not matter, food doesn't get eaten, even favorite dishes are stared and poked at.

I am selfish. I hang on, I know he is in pain, but I can't let him give up, I can't let go of hope that he will get better. I counter every hopeless suggestion with God's word and truth, I will not let him speak death . . .

Am I wrong? Is death merciful? At least for him I am sure it is. I am too selfish. I cannot go there. I freak out just thinking about it. So I pray for healing, I search for remedies, I sit with him for long empty hours. We wait.

Next month we will see.

I try to live, I try to paint my pictures, I try to smile and say the right things. I try to find reasons to laugh, to get him to laugh. I miss his laugh.

Sometimes I just sit and stare at my canvas, I can't think straight, I can't focus. I know it is there for me. Painting has always been my way to cope, my escape. But for now I have to force myself to create something, anything. I just don't see that anything matters anymore. I know better, but some days I can't get there.

The Sabbath

The Sabbath means a day of rest. Saturday or Sunday for most, but if you take your day off in the middle of week that is good too, as long as you give yourself a day of rest! Our Creator knew we needed that or we would get to run down.

There is another kind of rest too, it is spiritual. The Almighty does not intend for us to try so hard to be perfect, or to keep up with man's rules of religion. These things appear good, but really keep us from really getting close God by keeping us too busy and distracted.

Jesus came to set us free from rules and burdens. We can trust him to lead us, teach us, and work in our lives, and we can pray anywhere -- anytime. He is already pleased with us, we are already accepted, and he made a way for us to be close to The Father. He forgives us and He makes us righteous in God's eyes. Too many religions tell us what we have to do to be accepted by God, they are way off base. Jesus says to believe in Him because we are accepted by God! He does the work in us, through us, and for us. He gives us rest.

I am part of a non-denominational church, so we don't have a bunch of rules. Everyone is welcome to join, no membership. We spend a lot of time praying and singing, we study the Bible, and we help each other through the rough times. It is truly a place of peace and rest! Those who have been hurt by religious people (like me) can find hope again. The Holy Spirit shows up and heals people of sickness and diseases, and God touches the broken hearted. It is amazing to see so many miracles so often!

Isn't that what Jesus commanded his people to do? Heal the sick, preach the good news, and cast out devils? Most religions are not doing that! If they aren't, then maybe they are off base in their teachings!

I have been thinking a lot about peace and rest. It is hard to not stress out these days, hard to trust God when your life is falling apart. I have watched my husband turn away from God's truth, and watched him struggle just to breath. We have been back and forth to the hospital. I know God will touch him and strengthen him, if he will ask. I know Our Father wants good things for us. We don't have to die from disease and illness. He will call our name when it is time to go. So why is it so hard for us to seek God? Why do we turn away so easily? Me included. I am trying to read His Word more, and trying to let go of all the "what if"s. It is a process, we don't change overnight!

I know God's timing is perfect and he will take care of every detail. He has always provided. I think we are here to prove that even in the midst of trouble we will choose to love and serve God. I think it hurt Him deeply when his angels turned away from him, and he wants us to make that choice now, not later. I don't have scripture for that, it is just my thoughts rambling on.

Your comments are welcome!

Click here to see my painting "The Sabbath."

summer's end

Wow, it has been months since I posted anything here.

We went to Montana to see my family at the end of May, then had a lot of company through the entire summer, on top of teaching summer art camps for kids!

Oh, and I also took on some commission work, and sold quite a few paintings. Which was a good thing!

At the end of summer my husband got very ill (he had pneumonia). We have been at the hospital twice.

So now I am trying to catch my breath and see if I can get back to normal living, whatever that is.

I am seeing a whole new side to my husband: he does not blame God as so many would when life takes a hard turn, and he is almost looking forward to the after life. This is not something he has ever talked about, so it kind of intrigued me when he started asking questions. We are talking about such things much more now, but not in the negative way he used to give up and want to die. (I wouldn't entertain such thoughts.) Now it is more about his appreciation for life and those that care. He is finding healing in his spirit I think, and God's strength in this time of physical weakness.

As you can well imagine, I have not placed too much importance on my art work these days. It is there for me as a release from all this stress, and no longer the stress maker to get a painting done and posted every day. If I don't finish one, well, I just don't mind. Other things are more important right now.

So there is my last few months in a nut shell, and I am so thankful things are getting better around here!

Bell

THE BELL
I KNOW WHO I AM

I am God's child (John 1:12)

I am Christ's friend (John 15:15 )

I am united with the Lord(1 Cor. 6:17 )

I am bought with a price(1 Cor. 6:19-20)

I am a saint (set apart for God). (Eph. 1:1)

I am a personal witness of Christ. (Acts 1:8)

I am the salt & light of the earth ( Matt.5:13-14)

I am a member of the body of Christ(1 Cor 12:27)

I am free forever from condemnation ( Rom. 8: 1-2)

I am a citizen of Heaven. I am significant ( Phil.3:20)

I am free from any charge against me (Rom. 8:31 -34)

I am a minister of reconciliation for God(2 Cor.5:17-21)

I have access to God through the Holy Spirit (Eph. 2:18)

I am seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (Eph. 2:6)

I cannot be separated from the love of God( Rom.8:35-39)

I am established, anointed, sealed by God (2 Cor.1:21-22)

I am assured all things work together for good (Rom. 8: 28)

I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16 )

I may approach God with freedom and confidence (Eph. 3: 12 )

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)

I am the branch of the true vine, a channel of His life (John 15: 1-5)

I am God's temple (1 Cor. 3: 16 ). I am complete in Christ (Col. 2: 10)

I am hidden with Christ in God (Col. 3:3). I have been justified (Romans 5:1)

I am God's co-worker (1 Cor. 3:9; 2 Cor 6:1). I am God's workmanship(Eph. 2:10 )

I am confident that the good works God has begun in me will be perfected. (Phil 1: 5)

I have been redeemed and forgiven(Col.1:14).I have been adopted as God's child(Eph 1:5)

I belong to God

Do you know

who you are!?

Keep this bell ringing...pass it on

"The LORD bless you and keep you;

the LORD make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you;

the LORD turn His face toward you and give you peace.."

Numbers 6:24-26

Murals

Quite a huge change from doing small Daily Paintings. Using my whole body, up and down ladders, reaching bending stooping . . . wonderfully sore muscles that say I am really accomplishing a lot!

Kids rooms are great. Horses and bunnies, with flowers and butterflies in a pink room . . . What little girl wouldn't love that?

Now a sunset on a beach with a net for volleyball . . . For a teenage girl. I love the bright bold colors she chose.

Mud holes, hogs, a tractor, and an air plane! The little boy's mural is in the preliminary stage. I even went to the county fair and took pictures of the John Deer tractors! Too much fun.

The girls are painting a mural in their school room. I am helping them get things to go together. But I don't think it will take them long to get it all done.

Sweet Dreams, poem #3

This poem goes with a painting I did. Cick here to see it.


Sweet Dreams

So many horrors to tell
So many tragic events

My young life is full of terrors day and night

They have lost their power now
Fear no longer grips
His fingers have been severed
By bloody brow and whips

A flower beckons me to its sway
Its fragrance embraces me all night
I walk into the center
Healing sleep wins the fight

By Fawn McNeill Barr

Lost Smile, poem #2

Lost Smile

i am lowly
i am week

You are lovely
You are strong

i am rotten through and through
There is no hope at all

You tell me I am pure now
You have cleansed my all

I smile when I look to you
I know your words are true

Then i see my own hands again
as i lose sight of You

i cannot find that smile
when i do not look to You

By Fawn McNeill Barr

For That One, Poem #1

I am not big on poetry, and not great at spelling or grammar, but every now and then a poem gets started in my head and I write it down. So I thought maybe I would start posting some of them here. Feel free to let me know what you think! 

 This is the first one I have written in a long time: #1.

 For That One 

 Riddles and rhymes are not my thing

 I have to know I have to understand. 

When sharing the depths of eternal things 

I want you to know 

I want you to understand.

I struggle with the pen 

Yet words must be declared 

For that one soul to hear 

For that one soul to understand. 

My paintings sing without saying a word 

They tell of these things I need to share

For that one to know 

For that one to understand. 

The brush gives me no struggle 

It speaks clearly of eternal things 

Things my soul knows 

Things it understands. 

 By Fawn McNeill Barr

The good life.

Life is good. Most days I get up early and paint before the world wakes up. By 8:30 a.m. I have had a wonderful 3 hours to myself and start cooking breakfast. I love breakfast. After spending the past ten years of my life in the fast lane, and grabbing a piece of toast on the way out the door, I have decided that cooking eggs and homemade biscuits is a wonderful thing! My husband loves it too.

I have time to run errands, work on posting paintings, clean house, do the laundry, cook supper, and paint more pictures . . . I have never had time to keep up with things before, and now I feel like I have a life again. The stress is gone, the feeling of accomplishment is great. Simple living, this is the good life.

I Thank God every day!

Color Tips

Mixing your own colors gives you a greater range of values and a unique variety of personal preference in your work. It is a good idea to play around with your colors and learn how to make new ones. This will give you a sensitivity to color sense. I like to use canvas paper and make charts. I will put three colors near each other and mix them into each other, then add white to the outer edges to see the tints. I label the colors before I go on to new combinations.

If you use three good true primary colors like Cadmium Yellow Light, Napthal crimson, and Thalo Blue you can mix many wonderful colors. But your blue and red to make purple will not be vibrant because Thalo Blue leans a little to the green side on the color wheel. (When red and green are mixed they neutralize each other because they have opposite characteristics. That is why they are called contrasting or complimentary colors.) So you will end up with a dark dull purplish color instead of a vibrant purple. This can be a good thing if it is what you desire.

With the above palette you can get orange, but not as brilliant as if you use Cadmium Red Medium (or Cad Red Light) mixed into your yellow. But even then Cadmium Yellow Light leans to the green side a little. So you can see the need for Cadmium Yellow Medium. This leans more to the red side and makes a stronger more vibrant orange.

It is hard to find perfect primary colors. they always lean to one side or the other on the color wheel. To solve this problem I use a split primary palette.

For my blues I like Ultramarine Blue (a true blue that leans to the red side of the color wheel a little) and Thalo Blue (which leans to the green side).

Reds: Napthal Crimson (leans slightly toward purple) and Cadmium Red Medium (leans toward orange),

Yellows: Cadmium Yellow Light (leans to the green side), and Cadmium Yellow Medium (leans to the orange side).

Buy a color wheel and put it in a plastic sleeve and place your colors on it it to see where they fall. When you are finished you can wipe the sleeve off or throw it away and use a new one next time.

If I want to make a bright green I will use Thalo Blue mixed with yellow. Thalo is powerful and makes amazing greens. On the other side, when Thalo Blue is mixed with Napthal Crimson it makes almost a black color. If I want a violet that is not muddy I will use the Ultramarine Blue and the Napthal Crimson. If I want a mauve I will mix the Ultramarine with the Cadmium Red instead. Of course using whites for tints gives you all kinds of values to choose from.

I don't really need Burnt Umber because I can mix up an orange and add a little Ultramarine Blue and have a nice range of browns. But I love this warm brown and often use it for dulling my greens or mixing with blue and white for a nice gray.

I have also begun to use Dioxazine Purple. It is dark and when White is added to it it is very vibrant. Even more so than I can make with primaries leaning toward purple. Dioxazine Purple is also great for dark shadows, add a little of it to green for deep dark shadows, or add a little orange for warm shadows.

Here is an example of these colors and how they can be used to make new colors:

Ultramarine Blue with burnt umber and white are at the top left. Thalo Blue top middle. Cad yellow light is next to Thalo blue. Ultramarine Blue is just below the Cad Yellow Light.

Napthol Crimson and Thalo Blue make the dark area just above the red on the left bottom. Cad Red Medium and Cad Yellow Medium make the orange on the right. Some of the complements are mixed in the middle with white all around.

(Cadmiums come in hues, which are even more brilliant than the regular cadmiums. I also use them because they are less expensive and less of a risk to the artist and the environment.)

Here are some more ideas for mixing your own colors: Try Alizerine Crimson as one of your reds: Prussian blue is a nice dark blue to try out; Hansa Yellow is a good yellow also; If you don't like mixing your own greens, add permanent green deep to your palette, just be careful not to paint with it straight from the tube too often as it can take over! Mix other colors into it for variations. Black can be beautiful in your paintings, especially if you use it with other colors. use it sparingly until you are confident with it.

Feel free to email me if this is not making sense! smile. I will try to help if I can.