Venting

 For the last two years, I have been scolded by several people, including my husband, for being too emotional, looking up the facts about my son's cancer, or saying anything about him going to heaven. As if that could stop God from doing a miracle.  I can know the facts and still believe for a miracle.

I did believe. I honestly thought there was a great ministry ahead for Kyle.  So many restored relationships and inner healings had happened.  I just knew he would have a marvelous testimony. I was sure God would heal him completely and restore the gifts he had as a child.

From the time he was 5 or so, he prayed for me many times. Mostly for back issues or headaches. and the pain would leave.  He prayed for others too.  And every night he had a list of people he prayed for. Both of my boys did.

One time he saw a woman working in Walmart grab her head in pain, and he asked her if he could pray for her. She nodded, and he put his hand on her head and prayed silently. The headache was gone! He was around 9 years old. He told me he could feel the energy flow, and a few times he felt the rejection from the person he prayed for. And then no healing would come.  That was the last time he prayed like that (that I knew of).  

After that, his father left, his Nana died, and his cousin and his best friend both moved away. All in a year or so.   I had no job and no money.  I had to go to work full-time.  Until then, I worked part-time and had never left my boys alone. So, in a sense, they lost me as well.  I tried to reach him, but he inverted and shut everyone out.   A few years later, in high school, he started turning things around.  He overcame many obstacles. But he was never the same.  

With the cancer came many deep discussions about those wounds we all carried.  So much resentment and anger had built up over the years.  So many good memories were lost and so many were twisted -- for both of us.  The kingdom of darkness spins a strong web.  We untangled it with the Lord's help.  Most of it.  It was healing for us and so good for me to have him back in my life and be a part of his long hard journey.